I HATE flying but LOVE to travel!?
What a conundrum. A dilemma that always stumps people I talk to.
I love to travel! I love going to new places, experiencing the culture, sightseeing, and of course eating the food! The problem is that in order to get to these new places, 95% of the time you’ll have to fly there…and well I hate flying.
Now I know there are people out there who say they also hate flying, but in reality, it’s the process that they actually hate. The waiting in line to check in, going through security, the waiting, the layovers, etc., but when it comes to the actual flying itself, they might not mind. Especially if they can sleep on the plane.
So, I want to take this post to explain further what it’s like for me to go through this process, because well it is a process and it starts even before I get on the plane. I also want to share some of the strategies that I’ve used in the past and present that have worked and MANY that have failed. This way, those of you who also struggle with me can see if any of these strategies work! And last, I also want to see if any of you out there have any suggestions for me on what I can do to ease some of these anxieties during my flight.
Now to preface, I think this fear or hate for flying started when I was younger.
My parents thought it might have resulted for a bad flight that I was on when I was younger. And throughout the years, my fears go through peaks and valleys. There are seasons when I go on many flights and because of different reasons: the flights have been smooth, I’ve gotten used to being in the air again, the strategies that I use are working effectively for me in those situations…my anxieties are at a low. But there are seasons (like this previous one) where my anxieties are at its peak, and it seems like it has gotten so much worse than before.
You see, the anxieties start way before even flight day.
Sometimes it starts a couple of days before, sometimes weeks before. I can dream about it and it will make me nervous as the day ticks closer to the day I fly. This last time when I was preparing for my flight to Bangkok in the summer, I was trying to sleep on the train on the way back to Toronto from Kingston and I couldn’t sleep. Anytime I started dozing off, the speed of the train and the normal bumpiness and shakiness of train rides made me think that I was on a plane. And that itself makes me think of my future flight and I can feel my anxiety start to spike. Then I start thinking of flight day more and more and more.
I think about what it would be like on the flight. What am I going to do for 16 hours when I know I will not be able to go to sleep? If the plane starts shaking because of turbulence, what I am going to do? What is that going to feel like? Remember that drop feeling that you hate, how will that feel like and what are you going to do to help you get over those feelings?
Those are just a few of the things going on through my brain before the flight. My brain also tries to think of different ways to ease my anxieties by coming up with crazy potential solutions. For example, one of the solutions I’ve thought of in the past was if the plane was going through turbulence for hours and it’s bad, I’m just going to get someone to punch me to knock me out. Is that not one of the most insane thing you’ve heard?! Even I think it’s CRAZY, but that’s how my brain is working in those situations.
Now during the actual flight, I’m usually wide awake. There are times when I get a little drowsy or sleepy (will be explained in the strategies section below) but for the most part I’m wide awake. I’m listening to music, watching movies or looking outside the windows. My anxieties are already at an all-time high at this point, but it goes out of control when we hit turbulence. I may not look like I’m scared, but inside I’m all over the place. I’m slightly gripping the arm rests or holding my dad’s hand and most likely looking out the window trying to calm myself. And when it passes, my brain is always anticipating when the next turbulence is coming. I’m also aware of my surroundings – aware of the noises or lack of noises, people walking around, the flight attendants, the smell of airplane food. And this is pretty much me for the entire plane ride.
Not so fun right? Welcome to my life.
Now for those of you who are reading and you’re like: yes, yes, yes. Well, I FEEL you friends.
I want to share with you some of the strategies and things that I do pre-flight and during that can help me get through those long hours in the air.
1. I don’t care if I have to pay extra, I will pay to pick my seats beforehand.
Seating is extremely important, not only for comfort wise but also for someone who is a nervous flyer. A flight attendant told me once that the best seat on the plane if you’re scared of flying is in the middle of plane by the wings. Why? Because it’s the most balanced part of the plane and you’ll feel less of the bumps as the airplane goes through turbulence. This does not mean you don’t feel any, but you do feel it less than you would sitting at the very back of the plane. Remember those days when you go on the school bus and everyone wants the back of the bus because it’s the most fun because you’re flying when the bus is going down the highway? Well same thing for the plane – if you’re sitting at the very back, you’ll feel all the ups and downs of the ride. So, my suggestion is to pick either in the middle of the plane or as front as you can.
2. For me, window seat is a must.
Now this strategy might not work for everyone. I used to be that person who always gets aisle to get furthest away from the windows because I don’t want to see at all what’s happening outside. Now, I prefer window seat because it actually helps ease my anxieties. See, there are a few reasons why turbulence happens (from research). It can happen if you’re going through mountain ranges, when you’re going through a storm/clouds, or changes in fronts. For me, looking outside helps because I can see WHY the plane is currently shaking. Am I scared? Absolutely, but for me it helps knowing for example if we are going through clouds right at this moment. It also helps me ground myself - during the night, I would look out the window and focus on a star that I can see. Everytime i feel nervous, I’d look out, find that star and that helps me ease a little bit of the anxieties I have.
3. Keep yourself distracted.
Knowing that I will be on the plane for a couple of hours and the fact that I probably will not be sleeping, I bring things with me to keep me distracted. So glad that Netflix gives the option to watch videos online, because I download a bunch of TV shows and movies before I head on a flight. I do this because there may not be any movies on the plane that I want to watch and this provides me with options. I also download/bring books, podcasts, a notebook to write and anything else that can keep me occupied during the flight.
4. Be as comfy as you can.
Wear comfortable clothing, bring a head pillow, earplugs/noise-cancelling headphones are a must for me, and whatever else you need to make yourself comfortable.
5. PRAY PRAY PRAY.
This is what I do before, during, and after the flight. Especially during any turbulence, I am praying that God will bring me out of this anxious times and give me peace.
I know that these are super high-level, but it’s these little things that help make my experience more tolerable over the years.
I have also tried other things that have failed and didn’t help me at all:
1. Anxiety Pills
I took anxiety pills when I was younger before I would get on the plane. I found that these didn’t help AT ALL. I still felt just as anxious, if not more. Recently, I was reading around and found out that anxiety pills while they help with the anxiety, they actually make you more aware of movements (fact check?). This means that it would counteract what the anxiety pills are meant to do because the movements would make me more anxious.
2. Sleeping Pills
So I think if I can sleep for a majority portion of my flight, it would really help a lot and less time I’m sitting anxiously doing nothing. Over the years, I’ve tried many things: gravol, melatonin pills, relaxing music, and even prescribed sleeping pills…but nothing has worked. In fact, I would get groggy or just be even more exhausted once I’ve landed.
So, there it is.
I hope that I gave you a little more insight on my thoughts, the process, and what I go through each time I travel overseas.
I am soon going to travel back to Indonesia and I would love love love to hear if you have any strategies that has worked for you over the years or if there are any suggestions for me to try! I am really considering going to some sort of therapy to help, thoughts?