life in a year: 2024
Hi there,
It’s been awhile since I’ve written on the blog. As usual, life took over and it was hard to prioritize writing on here…which is sad, because I do quite enjoy it. However, I did start a little newsletter while I’ve been abroad and have written a couple of posts! So (yes, plugging the newsletter right now), if you’d like to keep up to date with what’s going on semi-regularly, please sign up for the newsletter: here.
Before I dig in, I do want to say this. Social media tells only a very small (and usually curated) parts of people’s lives. A majority of the time, these snippets are of the amazing things going in life, because let’s be real…who wants to see and hear about not so happy things filling up your feed. However, with this said, I think because of this there is SO much going on behind the scenes that I think people don’t know and in some cases, will never know. It’s one of the reasons why I keep this blog and why I love writing here - it gives room for a little bit more vulnerability, to peel back a little layer of the onion, if you so choose to read & want to dig a little deeper.
For me, sharing a little bit behind the scenes about my life, not only feels somewhat cathartic, but it opens up room for discussion and chats with different people who relate but in some cases, don’t have other people to talk to. I do understand what it means to share in a public setting, but I also do believe that God has given me this space to be able to share and connect with people. So, for those of you who are reading, engaging, messaging, thank you! I see you and I appreciate you.
Where to start?
This year has been woozy for me. A year of a lot of changes. I was like a different person. Getting to the smiling girl you see in my instagram feed today, took time, effort and a lot of prayers.
While I can definitely adapt to changes, change is definitely not my first cup of tea. I think my preference would be staying where it’s comfy, as I would say most people’s preference would be also.
If you’ve been in my life or have known me for some time, you’ll know that mental health challenges have been a thing I’ve dealt with for many years. My mental health definitely took a downturn in 2023, continuing into 2024. The addition of a new family dynamics change situation, was a HUGE change and adjustment for me and added more fuel to the madness.
There were a lot of tears. The prayers were constant. Anxiety was through the roof. And I have always been a proponent of counselling and therapy, and I am grateful for my own counsellor who helped me navigate my feelings and thoughts through this time.
When you’re feeling low, your anxiety is high, there are moments where you’re like where do I go from here? Where is the sun after the storm? How did I get from this point, to where I am now?
The first thing I’ll say is that, I am incredibly blessed to have a group of people around me who loves, supports, and encourages me through the ups and the downs of life. I had some really long and hard conversations, that were difficult but incredibly helpful to help me navigate through this time. I also had a group of prayer warriors, near and far, trusted people who I can just text and be like “I’m really struggling, please pray for me” and they did.
Second, my faith has always been an incredibly important part of my life and who I am. I’ve always known that God had a plan for my life and I know that to be true. He sustained me through that time, with so much love and grace that I can’t explain in words. From surrounding me with people who rallied around and anchored me through that time, to events and situations that changed the trajectory of my life, I know that His hands were all over that.
Oxford was a big part of that. I decided to apply to Masters program in late 2023. I felt like I needed a little change in my life, I had a new thought about what I thought I could do in the future and higher education was needed. I applied to three different schools: UCL, Oxford and University of Stockholm, with the hopes of getting into UCL because Oxford seemed like a huge stretch. At the beginning of this year, I got an email from Oxford to do an interview. I thought I completely botched the interview and there was no chance of me getting in. I was also still waiting for the other two schools and it came to a point where I reluctantly let go of this dream of pursuing this masters degree.
I remember exactly where it happened. I was sitting on the tarmac of Chicago O’Hare airport, having just flown there from Portland, Oregon. I remember turning on my phone and checking my email, then seeing that acceptance email from Oxford. I was so excited, I ended up celebrating with my plane seat mates and immediately calling my sister and my best friend as soon as I got off the plane.
I ended up getting into all three schools, which is such a blessing! Now why Oxford you might ask? Well, it’s Oxford…it’s really hard to say no to that. But also, I felt like living in central London seems very overwhelming/over-stimulating, and Oxford felt like a much calmer, more smaller city vibe that I feel was more of my kind of scene. I also knew that Oxford was a well-regarded university for a reason and I wanted to challenge myself. And well, it is Oxford.
Now the excitement did run high for a long time, but in the back of my mind as I prepare for the move and more so, closer to September, I was starting to get even more nervous. I’m giving up a steady job (AGAIN) to pursue this thing with question marks as to what I’ll be doing after. As someone who is close to her family and loves being surrounded by my people, leaving the country to a place where I knew nobody sounds so unnerving. The thought of potentially making no friends, on top of starting school again, and in my 30s, seems really scary. And there were days when I almost talked myself out of it. My best friend texted me once that she will put me in a luggage and bring me there herself if she had to.
And as scary as it was to transition to this new chapter, it has been such an immense blessing. To be in a brand new place, but not just this amazingly beautiful historic place, but a place where I’ve really been inspired to learn, ask questions, discuss. I’ve met such lovely people who and have been really blessed to be surrounded by people who not only have really added joy into my life, but have been a great support system there. I’ve gotten involved with different things, attended different seminars and events. It’s also given me time to do a lot of personal reflections, consistent devotional time, and just time to breathe.
I’m not saying that it’s sunshine and rainbows from here, there are still really tough days and there will be more tough days to come. But time and time again, I am reminded by God’s goodness and faithfulness in my life. That the road might not be direct and straight, that I may not know where I am going, but that I can trust that His plans and timing is perfect.
I’ve been back in Canada for a couple of weeks now and it’s been a wonderful time spending time with my family & catching up with old friends! I’ve also decided that I’ll be taking a little social media hiatus, probably until I’m heading back to the UK…so those of you who need to contact me, text/WhatsApp me :)
So 2025, I’m ready for you. Not sure what is in store for the next year, other than finishing my Masters, but I’m excited to see what the future holds.
To those who had an amazing year, or those whose year did not play out the way you hoped it would. To those who are looking forward to next year or those who might be dreading it. Know that you are not alone. Sending all of you hugs.
X
Kim
