Kimberly WinardiComment

731 days.

Kimberly WinardiComment
731 days.

2 YEARS.

Hard to believe that mom hasn’t been with us for that long.

People have said that time heals all wounds - while I think time does help, I don’t think the “wound” of losing someone you loved dearly would ever go away.

If you’ve read my 1 year post, you’d know that I used to get nightmares and flashbacks during that first year quite often. I don’t get them very often now, just the occasional nightmare or so. The flashbacks have also stopped, though if I sit and think about it, I can replay the moments, conversations of February 8, 2019 like it was yesterday.

I think it’s been “easier” to bring her up in many of our conversations now, reminiscing of wonderful past memories or pointing out things that mom used to love or did not like. I used to find it so weird and was super careful about how I phrase my words “no longer with us” or “passed away” - really awkward terms that I found really weird to say. Maybe it was because a part of me found it hard to acknowledge it. And while I STILL stumble over those words when I talk about it with others, I think it’s gotten easier to say it too.

I feel like losing someone like your mom has an effect on you that I think will last you a lifetime. Those of you reading who have lost a loved one, I’m sure you’ll agree with me. Time might make things feel lighter, but there are days when it’s extremely hard. Days when I’m in need of comfort and long for my mom’s hugs and talks. Or thinking about wonderful new friends I’ve met the past two years or people I will meet in the future, and how they will never get a chance to meet and see how amazing she was. Or when I think about the different milestones that mom will miss.

But here are the things that help make me feel better:

  • I think about where she is now and it makes me smile and relieved that she is in a much happier and better place. Sometimes I look at pictures, especially the last couple of weeks of her life, I remember how weak and frail she got. It gives me comfort knowing that she is no longer in pain. I know that I’ll see her again one day.

  • I see the impact that she’s had in this world. And how she was LOVED and vice versa, how she loved on people. The connections she’s made with SO MANY PEOPLE and how that impact is still as strong today.

There are lots and lots of beautiful memories of mom, a lot not captured by camera. But I made this short little video clip of some of the captured memories. I loved hearing her voice again. Miss you mom, everyday.

- Kim